In one ear...

2006-11-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow dawn's
Before tonight is through.

Time doesn't begin,
As much as change hue.

What's present is here,
What's past is there too.

The future is now;
Each moment's brand new.

2006-10-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

What's up fuckers?! Hello again...

I haven't really been around, been working a lot. I wait tables for a living. For the first couple months, it was "yeah, I'm actually waiting tables now," but...I've been at Garozzo's for over a year now, so who am I really kidding at this point.

I've been trying to mix things up recently, you know, keep the customers on their toes every once in a while. I like to think that I'm outside the box with my tables, but at the same time, lounging comfortably on top of that very box.

A couple of good angles for working the tip:

"Hey folks, how's everyone doing tonight?...I'm doing well, thanks, but little Jimmy, well, he's been having one of his bad days. I mean, we've been saving for the surgery and all, but the donor list is real limited and money's tight, and, well, you know how it is. Anyway, what can I bring you to drink tonight? Wine? Cocktails?"

...stop, I'm kidding. Who do you think I am sick-o?

I have been using the line, "You know, strikes and gutters" a lot, though, when tables ask how I'm doing. The one's that catch the reference fucking love it...the rest, I must say are a little perplexed. What the fuck, though, I get bored sometimes.

Another great one: Go up to the table and ask, "How, high are you this evening folks?" They never catch it, I swear. I suggest using this mostly with the blue hairs and the wine-o's though...you never want to get caught with your pants down if you know what I mean.

No...restaurants are a good time. I feel like everyone should to work in one at some point in their life, if not just for the Mexican kitchen workers. These guys are the craziest vatos you've ever met.

They thrive on sexual harassment. Some of their favorite moves:

*The Credit Card swipe: I'm sure you're all familiar with this one. I nice little anal swipe...it only takes one swipe to see if a certain new waitress has "good" or "bad" credit. A recent variation on the credit card has been the saw, which, basically is just the swipe, but in a more jagged, saw-like motion. Revolting, right?

*The Sandwich (Made popular by Gustavo, expo extraordinaire): Basically just going 'Night at the Roxbury's' on some unsuspecting female server. The "jumping" Sandwich is usually encouraged by Gus, especially with the more well-endowed servers. The jumping sandwich is key...

*The reach-down-and-hand-me-that-dish-so-that-the-entire-kitchen-staff-can-peep-your-ass-and-make-various-animal-noises-while-you-bend-over: fairly self-explanatory.

OK that's it guys. I'm tired and my bed is calling. More to come soon I hope...

Good night and good luck!

2006-09-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

No one's a sinner,
and no one's a saint.

It's just easy to judge,
when someone's something you ain't.

2006-09-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

Blog, BLOO-OG, Blog, BLOOOOOO-OG, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah...the game of BLOG.

So does anyone actually read these things?

I'll write in a personal journal from time to time but always under the assumption that I'm the only one who will ever see what I wrote. There IS something a little more satisfying about the old pen and paper, you know...not being able to sleep at night with a head full of thoughts, turning on the bedroom lamp, and jotting something down that at that moment means everything to you. I don't think I see myself running to the computer during times like these...

...But I would like to write more, so here I am, flopping myself out in the internet winds, so to speak, for all to see. I hope you all catch a peak. Don't look too hard, though, I do have some modesty.

Anyway, this is the first post of hopefully many more to come. Together we will piece together the intracacies of this exhilirating ride, this sometime sordid affair called life. We will question reality, we will praise the smallest but most significant daily moments, we will laugh, cry, squeal, and shout. Most importantly, though, we will not let this blog trail out the other ear.

(kind of tied it all together there at the end, didn't I?...thought you'd like that)